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This is The 38th Signal, a weblog about design, coding, design, experience, design, constraints, cookware, and so much more. Established 2007 in Angola.

Secrets to Ninja Assassin's Success posted by RJ Sep 17, 2007


Low Fidelity offers a some secrets to the success of Ninja Assassins based on the interviews and writings of (now dead) early defectors. Some of the choice bits are below.

Teams are small. Large groups of black-pajama-clad men tend to attract attention, while two or three can slip past guards like a tigress through the meadows of the Xinjing-Jan province.

Focus on the customer. Memorize every aspect of their movement and learn to think as they do. They may become your next target.

Less is more. Customer satisfaction means limiting your attack to the target in question. And possibly anyone who may have seen the crime. And the guards. And anyone who may have seen the guards. And their families. Truthfully, anyone within a 2 mile radius is probably fair game.

Strictly enforce company standards. Let your team know that certain tools and practices, like five-pronged shirken or fluffy-dice nunchuncks, will not be tolerated. Enforce these policies with a public shaming ceremony in which the offending ninja is forced act as the foot stool of a sweaty sumo during his seventh evening meal.

Take it for granted that missions might fail - that's reality; embrace it. Embrace it with the quick and bloody death that failure deserves, but embrace it.

Advertise by not advertising. Let drop a few whispers that perhaps ninjas are killing people, and soon every death in the city will be blamed on ninjas. Use the money you would spend on services like Google AdWords and TV spots to buy more shirkens.

Protect your secrets. Make sure that anyone caught revealing your techniques is quickly dispatched without warning or cause fo

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